I am writing this sitting at yet another empty park. Where have all the moms gone? Up until about 8 or 9 years ago, I could take
my kids to the park and know that there would be another lonely mom looking for
some adult interaction. Now, when I go
to the park, it is me, my littles, and the lawn maintenance man. I think I have spent more hours in the
company of the lawn maintenance man than any other adult in the last few years.
My daughter just ran up to me and said, “Why are there never
any kids at this park?” That is a really
good question. I guess I am not the only
one who noticed the emptiness.
I think it was the invention of the internet that ruined
being a stay at home mom. While it gave
us a global community, it totally wrecked the local one. A mom can sit inside her house and chat with
other moms around the world 24 hours a day, and completely ignore the mom next
door. The percentage of U.S. moms on
Facebook has grown rapidly, from 50 percent in 2010 to 72 percent in
2012.
I saw a mom post on Facebook the other day that said “I
haven’t read a book since the invention of twitter.” I think there are a lot of us who haven’t
had a meaningful conversation with another person in real life since the
invention of twitter. When I complain
about the lack of companionship to my husband, he says who cares? Why can’t you just be happy hanging out with
kids? Clearly, he is not a mom and does not
know how much women need their girlfriends.
I don’t think I like this new world. I think there are a lot of lonely women now
who don’t even know why they are sad, lonely and depressed. According to a new Gallup analysis of more
than 60,000 U.S. women between the ages of 18 and 64 (before retirement age)
interviewed in 2012 found that 28 percent of stay-at-home moms reported
depression a lot of the day when asked how they were feeling the day before,
but only 17 percent of employed moms did. I would guess the reason is the
huge lack of adult interaction in stay at home moms.
A study published in this month’s Journal of Family
Psychology, found that working mothers were less depressed and reported better overall health than
moms who stayed at home with their kids who were not yet in school.
I recently conducted an experiment to see the effects of
cell phones on friendship. I cancelled
my cell phone contract. Coincidentally that is the same day I lost all of my
friends. I did not hear from or see any
of my friends until March and that was in response to an SOS blog post about my
loneliness. I saw two friends in April
and it is now the end of May with little contact. Even though I was conducting this experiment
in the name of science, I was still plunged into despair with essentially 4-5
months of no adult contact.
15 years ago when I had kids the same ages as my younger
kids are now, my neighbors were always out when the kids were. We had some of the best times sitting in lawn
chairs chatting while the kids played.
In the last 10 years, I have been alone in my driveway…I don’t think I
got suddenly despicable, I think the culture of motherhood changed.
The kids are all still out playing in the driveway, but
there is not a mom in sight. Where have
all the moms gone?



